it was talkin' about...wait...the title was "How to mend a broken heart". So I'm intrigued. FALSE. I read said article and it tells you, or the reader, to go to a psychic...'cause though you may get the same advice from a close friend or family member, which is that Mr. Right is just around the corner, you may be more apt to believe it if it's comin' from a complete and total stranger who claims they can see into the future. What kinda garbage. So needless to say less than please I was...and it has unfortunately sent me into a bit of a funk. Yesterday, last night with Emelia, I saw Leap Year...and it's really funny how with others I'm oh so encouraging when it comes to meeting that right person for them. They're all like, "oh, it won't happen." and I'm always, no you're so good...and it's only a matter of time...only less b.s. sounding. But...yeah...watching that film and every other romantic comedy that exists in the world just totally reminds me of how blissfully happy I am during those 1.5 hours, and how that blissfully is removed as soon as the time is up...and sometimes the happy is preceded by an un-. It's seriously the pits...'cause I don't want it to be that way. And of course, even though I don't always intentionally keep tabs on MW or whatever, sometimes I manage to fun up on him...and it always makes me sad 'cause it's like...I don't understand. He's been in a state of perpetual bliss since we broke up....and I...well...have not. Not completely broken, but I haven't had so much as a prospect since our demise. There was that cute guy, Alex from the summer...but that was all of 2 days...and he was boring (never thought I'd be able to say that about someone else)...so that so doesn't count...every other dude I know is totally only interested in me platonically...and vice versa...honestly I don't even know any dudes really....let's see...Brian (friend...not my type physically), Lee (friend...not my type physically), Jermaine (married...not my type physically), Cord (gay...not my type physically)...and that's all she wrote folks...of course I get the occasional text from Tyrone, but we all know he's only into playing games...and just recently Kenny came back, but we already discussed him and he's interested in (legit) my master's program...oh and not to mention....not my type physically.
There's so much ridiculousness here. I don't feel like things are supposed to be this way. I just never imagined someone's life truly being better less me in it. He suffered not at all...and that makes no sense to me. That makes me feel as though I was like this horrible person and the reason I went through what I went through and why I'm still alone is because I'm being punished. It's pretty disheartening. I don't even know what to do about any of that like at all.
So I say to myself, self...really now, let's be so for real...reflect on that time period...and I do. And I'm not convinced that I was an awful person to him. So...that theory is out the window...but why else are things as they are? In such disarray from my vantage point? I recognize that I'm in a place right now where either myself or my mate is being prepared for the other...but here again...something I continue to struggle with....what do I do in the meantime? I'm gettin' antsy all over again...and it doesn't help that I don't particularly like where I am. This city sucks and I'm not even distracted by other things. Work-wise life is no bueno. The students are cool, but the super sucks...and not to mention...that whole used-to-have-a-crush-on-him-slash-sometimes-I-still-kinda-do-even-though-he's-definitely-dating-jenell....ah
...anyway...the moral of the story is I don't know why I'm in the position I'm in and he's in the position he's in and I'm the one w/o an anybody...and he's got a somebody...what is going on in life?!?
No comments:
Post a Comment