...in what feels like an eternity...and that's not to say that life hasn't been happening...I can actually put stuff own with regard to my romantic life...well...kinda....so...I don't remember when it was, but I got bored...and of course we all know that me and boredom should not every be in collaboration with one another. But it doesn't matter 'cause it happened. I got bored and I subsequently went through the painful process that is signing up for e-harmony. Now this isn't my first time being on this site....no, it's like my 2nd. The first time was a couple of years back like right after the whole MW meltdown...Brittany made me do it. I signed up and did the free thing and only really communicated on the free communication weekends. That worked kinda, but eventually there was a pretty decent deal so I actually paid for 3 months of service. Three months. All I got were old dudes with boring professions (engineers or computer programmers or stuff like that). I even went on a date(ish) with one guy. He wasn't cute...which is the only not so great thing about not paying (b/c you don't get to see pictures). He was way too touchy-feely and I could've punched myself for actually going through with this date. So when that thing cancelled, I killed it and deleted my profile. Alright....so let's go present tense now. I don't know what I did...or what I was thinking, but I definitely signed myself up again. I was a little less intense with my requirements and I went in with...I don't know...but I did similar stuff just the free stuff and free weekends. I had gotten into conversation with 3 guys at one point (Jawanzaa, Cartez, and Stephen)...um...Jawanzaa and I were texting and I even spoke to him on the phone once...but it wasn't there...Cartez....we were just at email mode...he asked for my number and claimed that there'd be a call on the first of the year but then he didn't...so it is what it is...and then Stephen...that's the person that's been going the longest...'til yesterday I guess...um...we were supposed to hang out while I was home for the break but then that didn't happen and I think my subsequent explanation for why I'm not in Texas any more I think broke the bank b/c I texted him about it and then something about his activities...and then he responded not...so I'm assuming it's a not-so-much on that one...
So....like for real I was like a player....or the most "player" I could've ever gotten...I think I'm a perpetual flirt..but I never close the deal. When Cartez asked for my phone number I let the email sit for a solid month just b/c I for some reason feel like when we get to that level the pretend relationship we could've maybe had would cease to exist. And funny thing, I was ok(ish) with going out on a real date with Stephen, but I freaked out when he asked me if he could hear the sound of my voice. Totally jumped out of my life...and subsequently didn't text back with regard to that particular text...I just pretended like I didn't get it at let it be....
Saying something is wrong with me I think would be an understatement...unfortunately...I don't know...It's almost as if I have a desire to be with myself for forever...but that's not the truth because I kinda definitely want a family and that means I have to enter into a relationship with someone first right?! Yeah buddy....grr...
Ok...well...I got nothing, so I'm probably, definitely gonna go now. It's back to square one for me.
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