He's back...

...and I don't know why. and I'm afraid to ask why. why? because that means I'd have to be prepared for the answer. could it be bad? no, not really because it can't be bad. he's in a relationship which has lasted way longer than that thing we had...so clearly he's happy where he is. so then, why? oh, my fail...I don't know. maybe it's because for the first time in a long time this seems to be something that brings me happiness. I look forward to the text messages. It feels very surreal to me. we're not friends by any means...so it's almost like he's this random, faceless, nameless stranger who is just passing through...we have our escapade or whatever it should be called....we liaise and then we're done. asking questions and getting answers about anything remotely close to me or him makes it all too real. it makes it all too serious...and it highlights the fact that there will be an end because there has to be. things can't go on like this forever. though we can definitely always be separated by distance and time and things said, and unsaid and things that have happened and those that have yet to come...something about just broaching the subject of why, at this time in this place and space have you decided to contact me that just ruins it all. this is the one time I don't want to think about possibilities...and if I ask the question that's not something I'll be able to avoid. because even when/if I were to get an answer I would dissect it and figure out whether or not it was truth or just some message embedded within a message. ah...too much...this is too much. he's too much. but I can't let go. he's back...