I'm an idiot...

...so this weekend was the Southeastern Greek Leadership Summit in Atlanta, Georgia. I had the distinct pleasure of being a facilitator...and chaperon to about 12 UGA students. Nothing terribly exciting happened on this trip, until the closing ceremony. We had a speaker, Stan Pearson. He did an entire presentation called, "No Chips with this Salsa". It was fun and interactive. In it, he talked about supporting others and he taught this through teaching Salsa. It was fantastic, and it allowed me to do Salsa. And we know I love that. Oh, right, so at one point he said something about how it's not like he was speaking Spanish, and there was a girl, Marissa, who was like, "hey, I speak Spanish" and he started speaking Spanish...ah....so of course...and this point in time, he dances and he speaks Spanish...so I'm smitten. And after the thing was all said and done, and many people who were there noticed that I was not a novice Salsa dancer, the lead guy, and Greek Life guy from UGA, Lamar asked Mr. Stan if he'd be willing to stay later. Before that Stan suggested a salsa club in Atlanta called Loca Luna. Then the question, and he agreed, and then we stopped to take a lot of pictures. Um, then Stan turns the music on, El Cantante....so again I am going crazy b/c I know this song. It's a great song! So it's he and I to dance. Starts off rocky 'cause I was like can I go on 1 or 2...but in real life I only go on 1. It's what feels most comfortable to me. So we established that, and then started dancing. I messed up, a lot, but it was fun. And we'd stop and re-start, and then just keep going. I'm really awkward and not so much sensual in the dance...but we know this...and yeah...will work on it I suppose. But it was amazing...then after me he attempted to dance with this student, Holly, and they didn't make it very far. Afterward we were talking and he suggested the club again. This time he was giving instructions on how to get there. Now, here is where I was probably making something out of nothing b/c I wanted to, but it is what it is. But both Je'nell and I were standing there listening to him, but he was totally looking at me as he was talking. Not sharing the eye contact between the two of us. So he's talking and he gives the the info and searches for the address. Um, and he winks at me. And he shook my hand, but not like a business meeting shake...more like a hand holding type of shake and thanked me for the dance and he was like, hopefully you all can come. Well....I was freakin' ecstatic. So I was like yeah we're going...and Je'nell is like I don't have anything to wear and I'm like, I don't care b/c I want to go. So we get dressed...oh...forgot...he gave digits, but since I'm an idiot I didn't get my phone out in time enough to get it so he gave it to Je'nell instead. So we/she texted him to see when we should get there. And we got dressed, made a quick stop at Walgreens for some essentials I needed, and then we were on our way. We finally get there, and Ebonii - real life me - wakes up and freaks out! I was having a mild panic attack in the car, freaking out about maybe I shouldn't go, and he probably isn't actually even remotely slightly interested, I was just breathing more life into that b/c I wanted to. He was probably just being nice. Maybe he won't even be there when we get there... I was doing the most...or the "utmost" as Cord would say. But Je'nell gives me a pep talk...and eventually I tell myself to suck it up and get out of the car. So I get out and we go in and we get to a comfortable place in the club...and interestingly enough I spot him through the crowd with some chicks who look like it's a birthday party. He's dancing with one. So I'm like ugh. This random old sweaty guy asks me to dance, so I do...he was a pretty good lead...we stop and Stan disappears...but in the meantime some other guy asks me to dance, Milton...I have his name b/c by the end of the dance he asks my name and asks for my number...we do that thing and then I departed from him. Je'nell and I walk to the bar so she can get a drink. While standing, Stan sees us, and he comes from behind. This part is crucial...see me watching romantic comedies, I think has set me up to look for things I should...in Hitch, Hitch tells Albert that when he's walking with Allegra that he has to watch his hand placement. Too high means, we're just friends...too low means, I just want to get into bed, so it has to be perfect placement...I'm gonna go with Stan's hand placement was very near bra strap level, which is in the friend zone...which I'm ok with with I suppose, but still a little sad...anyway...he pauses to talk to a friend and Je'nell gets her drink. He turns back around and he asks if we got what we needed...and I'm like she got her drink...and he says, the next round is on him...and I'm like, I don't drink, but I'm sure you can pick up hers. And he's like, well your next water is on me (lol)...and he makes no mention of Je'nell...then some other chick comes up and she's all in his ear, so Je'nell and I depart...not too far...but we leave nonetheless and she tells me I can't look for him anymore...well...that whole method fails b/c then I can't find him anymore. And he never comes to me. So we're dancing, and then they're changing the music up...sad day. But we stay dancing until I'm at the point where I kinda want to leave and  I know Je'nell totally wants to leave. So we do a walk through. I see him near the bathroom...and so I walk by with my head down...in my head hoping that he sees me, and like reaches out for my arm, or something of the like...but of course that doesn't happen...instead the song changes to a good one, and then when I look to see where he was, he'd disappeared again. And then I was like...I guess we should go. Before that some little Spanish guy asked me to dance. We danced to a salsa song then to some house music mix....and then Je'nell and I left. I was really upset and totally like....I knew I'd be rejected...that's why I didn't want to go in in the first place. And she was like, you weren't rejected. You dance with 3 different dudes...and then she was trying to make it about her saying no one asked her to dance, and I'm like 1) who cares, you have a boyfriend, 2) you were totally on your phone the whole time, 3) who cares, you have a boyfriend! But yeah...I'm like, it's not about all those dudes...it's about the one that I came for...I wish I had the confidence to just be like, yo, let's dance. I really liked that...and just to be that girl/lady or whatever that's so suave and things sound right when she says them...but I don't..and that's seriously frustrating....ah...