"At the core of this desire is the belief that everything can be perfect."
It is amazing to me how other people manage to sum things up just perfectly when I can't even begin to dream of the right words to say or the proper syntax. Thinking always has been and probably always will be the thing that separates me from the best of times and my ultimate happiness. I wish I could hide the button and really take that memo from Nike and "just do it"...whatever "it" is.
only, adj.
"That's the dilemma, isn't it? When you're single, there's the sadness and joy of only me. And when you're paired, there's the sadness and joy of only you."
So there have been a number of different guys who combined were the "perfect" future for me. Or so I figure. There's that dance guy who traveled and spoke different languages and in a different font and he surrendered to an otherness that I'm not sure I will ever know. There were those 2 guys where talking to them was easier than I feel like it has ever been. The words just fall out of my mouth exactly the way I imagined them before we ever began our dialogue. With them I am at ease. I am calm. I am confident, or at least blissfully unaware of any desconfianza o duda de mi. I can playfully engage and even ask others out...others that I am not in the least bit attracted to, or am fearful of their potential lack of interest in me as well. I want that...I need that...I would like that to translate to my other interactions with others. Where I don't think about the possibility of a "no". I just go with purely carnal, hedonistic wants, thoughts, and notions in my head...and that is that. If it ends with a "yes"...legit...that's what I intended. If it ends with a "not right now" then I'm like ok...I'll plan for later.
I'm random I know. I don't make sense. But I totally do. Grr. I will get over myself and do something some day. I fear if I make a plan for some day then that day will never come...so I will plan to unplan and epitomize spontaneity. I will. I must.
I, n.
"Me without anyone else."
