So, I'm sure my lack of enties is because I'm trying to pretend as though I don't have dating woes...the real world knows I do...so I'm certain that's why it continues to laugh at me. The Mario thing is over. I feel like that's what this entire texting thing has shown me...but it hasn't been like he's done, and I'm still holding on...I think honestly it's a mutual done thing. I still very much get excited by the Mario that I knew when I was 21. He and I worked well together. We made each other laugh. I felt like we challenged each other, and I think we felt comfortable around each other. I still feel like that initial getting together thing is something I am looking for with my future Mister. Um...but today...right now...this Mario is not the one. I know when we started the texting thing I was like uber-excited b/c I miss interaction. I miss communication and stuff...but there were times when I felt completely misunderstood in my texts...and also there were times he just sounded so matter-of-fact...like a robot I told him...and it made me laugh...but it also made me a bit irritated. It's like that Milton guy, who when I asked how he ended up where he was he gave this story that wasn't really a story. I wanted to know all the highs and lows of getting to where he was and he was just...I don't know...left so much out. I said to MW in text that I was being very transparent...and he was like "I am too"...but there's some of me that says he wasn't being all that transparent. Anyway...he's not what I need..not the him he is today anyway.
So now that leaves me back at square 0. Am I saddened by that...yeah-ish. Ish because sad isn't necessarily the proper adjective...but I can't think of the right one...so we're just gonna go with that for the time being. I have uncovered 2 things though....I spend a significant amount of time looking at other people's relationships and honestly wondering how and why. Not to say that anyone else's relationship is lacking or that there's something wrong with them...but I always stop and think to myself...what the heck is wrong with me. Like so for real...maybe people I've known from college have grown in ways I cannot even fathom, b/c I haven't yet...but really, really...real talk...where have they found their "One"? Where are they...and what's worse is that...ok...though these seem unrelated...they so are...I've gotten the question, more than once, of whether or not marriage is something that I actually want to pursue. So is that to mean that I don't give off the "I want to get married and have a family" vibe? Cause if that's the case, that ain't good. And the second thing I have uncovered is that I'm way too into my reading...I'm falling head over heels in love with fictional characters...and that has to be the saddest thing ever...but I can't help it. It's like I see so much of myself in what I read and it just seems natural to fall right into their lives...and their lives always end up in better circumstances than me.
